Pick Your Vice
by ChunkyLover584
Summary: Naruto returns from a traumatic mission and Konoha's Snake Mistress takes it upon herself to cheer him up, in her own "unique" style. NARUxANKO.


A/N: Here is my second story. It's another oneshot, this time with Naruto and Anko. Enjoy.

Pick Your Vice

It had been a long day in the life of Konoha Tokubetsu Jounin Anko Mitarashi, she had returned mid-morning from a three week assassination mission, only to be called into Ibiki's office and ordered to complete the interrogation of several Oto nins that had been captured recently. Usually this would not be a problem, as she happens to be quite fond of interrogations, especially when the subjects are former underlings of her traitorous sensei Orochimaru. But after being out of the village for three straight weeks doing nothing more than hiding and stalking in bushes and crappy hotels, she was long overdue for a long, hot bath and a few bottles of her favourite sake.

By the time she was finally done cracking the tenacious jounins, it was past eight thirty and she decided to reorder her priorities. There were only three of them, all heavily injured and what they described to her would have given a normal person, nightmares for months. 'I need a drink. Sake first, then bath, then sleep for a week.' She thought to herself as she made her way to her favourite bar.

To her horror when she arrived at 'The Hanging Leaf', she found her favourite, and reserved, seat occupied. 'Who is the jackass who thinks he can come in and take MY seat!' she screamed in her head as she stomped over to the slouching blonde figure.

"Hey assface, what the hell do you…" she yelled, roughly forcing the figure to turn towards her, only to trail off when she realised who it was that had taken her seat. 'It's that blonde punk from the chuunin exams a few years back.' She thought as she took in the rather drastic changes the once midget had undertaken over the years. Gone was the scrawny little punk that barely came up to her chest and in his place was a six foot tall, muscular man. His once short and spiky hair was now longer and shaggier, startlingly reminiscent of the Yondaime's. Gone too was the horrid orange jumpsuit that nearly made her vomit the first time she saw it, now he wore the standard issue jounin outfit, black cargo pants, long sleeved black shirt with his jounin vest open over the top. Overall, the gaki had definitely grown up good. All of this was overlooked however in favour of the startlingly dead look that his once sparkling blue eyes held. No longer were they the clear and shining eyes of an innocent child, now, they were the terrified eyes of someone who has just seen or done something that shook them to their foundations. The eyes of someone who was being forced to rethink every single choice they had ever made, and were coming up with the conclusion that they were all wrong. She knew these eyes all too well. Having been a kunoichi for more than a decade, she was more than familiar with the eyes of someone who had just done something horrible.

"What's the matter gaki?" she asked, her usual taunting tone severely subdued.

"What do you care?" he muttered with a slight slur, turning back to the almost empty bottle of sake he was nursing.

Sighing, she took a seat next to the depressed teen and ordered her own bottle. "Look kid, I don't know what happened, but it helps if you talk about it, trust me I know." She told him as she took her first sip from her bottle, savouring the taste and pleasant burning as she swallowed the strong liquor.

He took a long, evaluative stare at the woman from the corner of his eye, trying to see through whatever ploy she was using and find her underlying motivation. His tenure as the village pariah had taught him all too well, that no one did anything out the goodness of their hearts, at least not for him.

Sighing wearily he decided that no harm could directly come from him talking to the infamous woman, and he really did feel the desperate urge to get some things off his chest.

"I…I just got back from a mission. A -rank patrol of the Oto border. It was me and a few others, fresh chuunin mostly. Anyway, we had been investigating claims that some Oto nins had been crossing the border without permission. We picked up the trail and eventually caught up to them. It was a whole damn platoon! Twenty five of the bastards, all of them jounins. We tried to retreat but they split up and encircled us. I managed to take down a few early, but the kids that were with me couldn't keep up. One of them was taken down when he took a shot for his brother. The brother got his revenge but fell not long after. After only a few minutes it was me and our medic against the eighteen that were left. They…they were talking about what they were gonna do to the poor girl after the killed me and I…I just snapped. I drew on the Kyuubi's chakra…they never stood a chance. It only took about a minute for me to get through them. By the time I was lucid enough to hear the medic screaming for me to stop there were only a few left, and they were pretty shocking condition. She managed to stabilise three of them, but she lost two more. I think it was the first time she'd lost a patient, poor kid looked so broken, I tried to comfort her, but after what she'd seen me do, she wouldn't let me near her. The fear in her eyes..." his voice trailed off and he took a long drink from a new bottle, having finished his last one during the story.

Anko was caught between sympathy and amazement. On the one hand, the kid had pretty much slaughtered an entire platoon of jounin by himself, even with her most powerful summons she wouldn't be able to do that, but on the other hand, he had lost a part of himself in doing so. Obviously with the treatment that the kid had endured from the villagers he had a bit of a monster complex, and viciously killing more than a dozen men, probably wasn't helping him, regardless of the reasons he had for doing so. "Come on kid, you know that you had no choice. If you hadn't done what you did, that girl would be a damn sight worse than just scared and upset, she would be dead, or worse. You did the right thing."

"HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SAY THAT? I'M A FUCKING MONSTER! A DEMON! JUST LIKE EVERYONE ALWAYS SAID I WAS!" he yelled, instantly silencing everyone else in the small bar, though after a glare from the snake mistress, they went back to their convocations.

'He's taking this harder than anyone I've ever seen before. Granted not many people have done something as nasty as what he did, and combined with all the shit he's caught from the villagers it's not really surprising.' She thought grimly.

"Look kid, I know it feels like that now, but that guilt you're feeling proves that you aren't what they say you are. That proves that you are a human. No demon or monster feels guilt for the things they've done, only humans do. I know it's hard but, every ninja goes through what you're feeling at some point in their careers." She explained, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Naruto looked at her carefully for a few moments before he finally spoke, though it came out as barely above a whisper. "How? How do they deal with this feeling?" he pleaded desperately.

"Well most people find their solace through friends and family." She winced when she saw his expression grow even darker. 'Smooth Anko, the kid is a fucking orphan and his best friend is a traitor!' she scalded herself internally.

"But for those lone wolfs like us, the usual method is to find yourself a vice, and when you're feeling like shit, immerse yourself in it." She continued, hoping to bypass those depressing areas.

"A vice?" he asked, confusion written across his handsome features.

"Yeah, you know like Kakashi and those damn books, or Tsunade and her gambling...and drinking...and violence, actually she has quite a few. Most of the jounins or higher in this village have at least one to help them deal with the fucked up shit we have to do sometimes. Probably not the healthiest method of coping, but it gets us through." She explained with a grin.

"So what's yours?"

"Me? Well I actually have quite a few, but that's beside the point, what matters right now is finding you one so you can lose all this mopey shit." She announced cheerfully.

"And how am I supposed to do that?"

"Well that's where I come in." She declared, smiling proudly. "I'm going to be your tour guide into the wonderful world of vices until we find one that suits that pretty blonde head of yours." She continued gleefully, suppressing a laugh when he blushed at her joking compliment.

"I know I'm gonna regret this, but... fuck it, why not? Where do we start oh wise and knowledgeable Anko-sensei?" he asked, his famous foxy grin finally making an appearance.

"Anko-sensei, huh? I like it. From now on everyone has to call me that! Got it?" she declared loudly, looking around the room to make sure everyone heard.

The response was less than favourable, consisting mostly of people telling her she was dreaming or simply to shut up. "Hmpf, no respect." She muttered, shaking her head as she sat back down next to the hysterically laughing Naruto.

"Alright, since we have already got a start on it, let's say that our first stop is the wondrous creation known as alcohol! Barkeep, two more bottles and keep em comin!" she yelled.

* * *

Naruto Uzumaki was not having a good morning. Having somehow ended up passed out in one of the Konoha training grounds, he was rather abruptly awoken by the arrival of the only two ninjas who surpassed himself and his new 'sensei' in terms of loudness, Might Gai and Rock Lee, or as he had referred to them in a hung-over rage, 'those loud, green bastards'. After managing to escape from their shrill cries about his 'diminished flames of youth', he realised that he was about half an hour late for a meeting with Tsunade.

"This is gonna suck." He muttered as he not-so-gracefully leapt through the window of the Hokage's office, tripping on the sill and landing in a moaning heap on the floor.

"NARUTO-BAKA! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU? AND WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP?" Tsunade's pink haired apprentice screeched, causing both hung-over blondes to wince.

"Damn Sakura, can you tone it down? It's too fucking early for banshee cries." He muttered, getting chocked looks from the room's occupants.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?" she screamed even louder as she stalked over to him and swung her chakra loaded fist, aiming to send the grouchy blonde through a wall or two. To her, and everyone else's, shock, Sakura's fist was met by caught easily by the blonde and then brought into a rather painful restraining hold.

"Didn't I just say that I'm not in the mood for your shit today? Knock it off before I make you." He threatened before pushing her away, causing her to stumble and almost fall.

"Naruto, are you okay?" Tsunade asked, worried by the changes in her surrogate son.

Naruto let out a sigh as he forced himself to calm down. "Sorry, it's just after all the shit with that mission, I got pretty fucked up last night, so I'm hung-over and I'm not really in the mood for this today. Do you really need me here, or can I go?"

Tsunade looked at him for a few moments before giving a sigh of her own. "Alright, I was just going to tell you that you can have the rest of the week off to recover anyway, so you're free to go." She said giving him a worried smile, knowing that he must be pretty upset to have gotten drunk, since he wasn't much of a drinker.

He returned her smile warmly. "Thanks Baa-chan, I'll see you later."

The older blonde could only smile and nod as he made his way to the window and disappeared into the crowds below.

* * *

As he wandered aimlessly through the crowded streets of his home village, Naruto couldn't help but flinch as he heard an all too familiar, all too cheery voice call out above the rest. "Oi gaki! What're you lookin all grumpy about, it's a beautiful morning!"

"What do you want Anko?" he grumbled as she latched onto his arm playfully and pulled him through the crowds.

"What do you mean 'what do I want?' it's time for our next stop! And what happened to Anko-sensei?" she cheered as they pushed through the busy streets.

"Are you insane? I'm so hung-over right now that I just yelled at one of my oldest friends! I don't want anything to do with your crazy tour!" he declared as he forced them to stop and tried to free his arm from her surprisingly strong grip.

"Why are you being so mean? Didn't we have fun last night?" she whined with a pout that instantly broke his shell.

'Damn puppy eyes.' He thought bitterly. "Yes I'll admit I had fun last night, but if this is the cost, I don't think it's worth it." Naruto told her, unable to suppress his concern for her sad face.

"Oh, don't worry about the hangover, they gradually get less with experience, I barely felt anything this morning." She replied, her tone instantly becoming cheery again.

"Look, I'm just not interested, okay? I just wanna go home and get some sleep." He then started to walk off.

"Well then I'll just have to look at these pictures from last night with somebody else, maybe Tsunade-sama would be interested in some of these, especially the ones that involve her precious pet Tonton." She said with a mischievous smirk and an evil glint in her eye.

Instantly Naruto was on his knees in front of her, making her blink at the teen's impressive speed. "Please Anko-sensei. Don't show Baa-chan. She'll kill me. And then bring me back so that she can kill me again." He pleaded desperately, clinging to her legs like a frightened child to their parent.

Anko struck a thoughtful pose, enjoying her torture of the powerful young man. "I suppose I don't need to show these to Tsunade-sama...if, you agree to continue our tour and do whatever I tell you without question."

Naruto stared in open horror at her pupil-less amber eyes before sighing and hanging his head in defeat. "Okay sensei. What's our next stop?"

Anko smiled victoriously while wagging her finger at him. "Uh uh, that would ruin the surprise." She taunted as she started to skip away.

Briefly, Naruto weighed up the pros and cons of following her, but was pulled out of his thoughts by a thunderous cry of anger coming from the Hokage tower. 'Crazy snake lady it is. Besides, I do so love surprises.'

* * *

Moments ago, at the Hokage tower.

Tsunade had actually been attempting to get some work done, but was being distracted by a strange thumping noise coming from the door to her private bathroom.

"Whoever is in there is going to get it." She grumbled angrily as she stalked towards the door.

As she flung it open she was instantly bowled over by a frantic Tonton. Sighing in relief, she grabbed the little pig and petted it to calm it down. Her own anger erupted however, when she noticed that the pig's skin was covered in crude drawings of herself and Jaraiya doing various perverted things. Letting loose an enraged scream that shook the heavens, she vowed to do terrible, unspeakable things to whoever committed such an atrocity...and her old teammate, even though he probably had nothing to do with it.

* * *

Soon, Naruto found himself standing next to her in front of a familiar fenced off training ground, training ground 44 to be exact, or as it is more commonly known, "The Forest of Death". He looked over to Anko, whose grin he was now convinced actually was evil, and gave her a confused look.

"What vice could possibly involve us going in there?" He asked, though he was somewhat concerned by what the answer might be.

"Power." She stated simply.

"Power?" He questioned now more confused and curious than anxious.

"You see, for many people, especially shinobi, the pursuit and attaining of power is the most powerful vice." She answered solemnly, her grin faltering as if she was thinking about someone in particular, and it didn't take a genius to figure out who she was thinking about. Naruto could see the pain in her eyes and could definitely relate to that feeling.

"I think we should skip this one." he said suddenly, snapping Anko out of her painful reflections.

'Of course!' she thought angrily to herself, 'He knows just as well as I do the problems that this particular vice can cause, after all, he was abandoned by that Uchiha brat just like I was by the snake bastard.'

'Maybe I should explain the other side to this vice.' She decided internally before turning her attention back to the kid, who now wore a look of pain that equalled if not surpassed her own.

"Those traitors are only one side of this vice, there are also people who subscribe to this vice for good reasons too, look at Gai and his little mini me. Those two strive for power almost as desperately as anyone, but they do it to protect the ones that they care about." She explained in a serious, yet somewhat uplifting tone that forced Naruto to give her a look similar to one of complete disbelief. "That and to fulfil their 'youthful duties' or some shit like that." she added quickly, trying to regain her usual demeanour before her reputation suffered any more.

Naruto continued to stare at her for a while longer, actually making her feel slightly uncomfortable, which was no easy feat. But soon a small mischievous smirk pulled at his lips.

"So this vice either turns you into a heartless crazed maniac, or a green spandex wearing fruit? I think I'm gonna pass on this one if you don't mind."

Anko couldn't help but let out a hearty chuckle, "Hmmm I guess you're right, maybe we should move on to 'safer' territory." Naruto couldn't help but shudder at the way she said 'safer' and the fact that her evil smirk had, somehow, become even eviler.

"So what's the next one?" Naruto asked sheepishly, positive that he wasn't going to enjoy the answer that he received, and he was right.

"Adrenaline." she stated, causing Naruto's eye to widen. "For many shinobi, the rush that one feels while in battle or on a mission, is their vice." Her grin now grew to almost maniacal levels now, "So, for the next few hours I'm gonna chase you around this forest to simulate that feeling."

At this point, Naruto was pretty sure that couldn't get any worse, these, of course were famous last words for a reason, as they just seemed to tempt fate, who in this case decided it hadn't screwed with him enough yet.

"And to make sure you are really afraid in there, I'm gonna be coming at you with one intention." She paused, obviously for dramatic effect which almost made him face vault, "I'm coming at you with the intent to ... (another dramatic pause)."

"...castrate." She finished.

Naruto's eyes widened about 20 sizes. "WHAT!" He screamed.

Her smirk grew even more. "If I catch you, I'm going to take 'little gaki' and put him on my mantle piece." She answered in a sickly sweet voice that made Naruto shudder right down to his bones.

He started to protest, but before the words left his mouth, she'd pulled out a kunai and lunged at him, landing a small cut on his right thigh. "Better start running gaki." she said, licking the small trickle of blood of the knife.

Having seen this, exactly two thoughts were going through Naruto's head, the first, and more rational of the two was 'SHIT! RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN!', the second, slightly more...unexpected of the two was 'Fuck that's hot! I wonder what it'd be like for her to lick MY knife!'

Naruto paused for a moment to think on this second thought, then, decided to push it away and go with the first one, so he ran. Quick as a flash he was gone into the forest leaping from tree to tree as fast as his 16 year old legs would take him.

Unfortunately for him, even though he was actually faster than Anko, the forest of death was definitely her home turf, so it wasn't long before he found himself struggling to narrowly avoid a barrage of kunai and shuriken, all of which seemed to be aimed at his "lower regions".

Soon, Naruto decided that it wasn't in his nature to play the role of the scared mouse, so he decided to turn the tables and go on the offensive. He made three shadow clones and immediately dispelled one of them, using the poof of smoke as cover, they split up so he and the two clones each headed off in a different direction.

This caused Anko to hesitate for a moment whilst she decided how to deal with the situation. Before she could do anything though, she was surrounded by four more Naruto's, each wielding a kunai and a foxy grin.

"My, my, gaki, I'm impressed. That was a nice little move you pulled there, and here I was sure that you wouldn't go on the offensive this early. But tell me, even if these four were enough to subdue me, what then? You're not having perverted little thoughts, are you foxy-kun?" she asked her voice coming out in a sexy drawl.

This actually made Naruto stop and think. 'I hadn't thought that far ahead, but now that she mentions it...NO! I am not a pervert! Just because all of my senseis are perverts, doesn't mean that I am too...right? Besides I love Sakura-chan, not this crazy snake lady.' He scolded himself internally.

'Though now that I think about it, why do I like Sakura? It's not like she likes me back. And she's still obsessed with the damn traitor Sasuke. Hell she isn't even nice to me! She's constantly putting me down or hitting me for shit no one but her would care about. And now that I really think about it, she isn't even very attractive. She's flat chested, with that big fucking forehead and she died her hair that obnoxious pink colour so that she would stand out for her _Sasuke-kun_.'

'Anko on the other hand, she's fun, and exciting, she's actually trying to help him through a tough time, though in her own way and she's damn sure attractive. Those lips, that tongue, her unique but natural hair colour, and that's not to mention those curves. Oh Kami those curves! The supple, yet toned legs, the perky and perfect ass, and best of all those glorious tits. Full enough to be just more than a handful, yet not too big like Tsunade's which would smother you if you got caught up in them, but definitely more than enough to keep you satisfied. If only that accursed trench coat would open just an inch or two more, I could die a very happy man, Hokage dreams be damned.' The culmination of these thoughts hit Naruto like a kunai to the ass. 'I like Anko! Not just a little, I'm totally nuts about her! I just admitted that I would give up my dreams for her...or at least part of her...how the hell did this happen?'

Unfortunately before he could continue on that train of thought, he was brought back to reality by 3 very familiar poof sounds and a rather uncomfortable pressure on his neck. He suddenly realised that he had spaced out and allowed Anko to get defeat his clones and get him in a very vulnerable position.

"Shit." he muttered under his breath.

"Tsk tsk gaki, you really shouldn't let your perverted thoughts space you out like that, especially when you've got someone gunning for your 'little fella'." She said in a lecturing tone, undermined by the gigantic grin stretched across her face.

Naruto just gulped, as she started to run her kunai gently down from his neck till it got to the waist of his pants, where she promptly slit his belt, grinning even bigger when he let out an almost girly squeal in surprise. He was still frozen by a combination of fear and perverted thoughts when she undid and lowered his pants, leaving him in just his boxers and top.

He was trying his best to reel in his perverted thoughts, but as she bent over slightly to lower his pants, revealing even more of her 'heavenly sisters' than usual, that went entirely out the window and 'little Naruto' decided to pop up and say hello. It did this so fast and suddenly that it actually hit Anko in the face while she was rising.

She just stared at the rather impressive tent in his boxers for a good while, causing Naruto to become increasingly uncomfortable and aroused, seeing as she was still leaning over and was now practically staring at his manhood.

To say that Anko was surprised would be quite an understatement. Not only had she just been smacked in the face by the kid's dick, but the thing was easily the biggest she'd seen. Not that she was exactly an expert, she may dress a little slutty but that doesn't mean she goes around riding anything with a pulse. In actuality she'd only been with two guys and one of them was as part of a seduction mission so that didn't really count, but even she could tell that what this kid was packing was not regulation.

Eventually, she managed to gather herself enough to realise she'd been staring at him for WAY too long now. And she quickly stood back up, though she couldn't seem to look him in the eye.

To say that Naruto was surprised would be an understatement. Not only had he just been stripped to his boxers by a goddess in human flesh, but said goddess had then been hit in the face by his disobedient soldier and then proceeded to stare at it for at least 3 solid minutes, and then when she finally got up, she blushed! Anko Mitarashi, feared torture specialist and acclaimed snake mistress blushed! Once his brain had digested these facts, a foxy grin spread across his face and he once again decided to go on the offensive.

"What's the matter Anko-chan? Aren't you going to take my friend here and put him on your mantle? Or have you perhaps thought of a couple of better uses for him?" He questioned putting on a brave face, whilst inwardly hoping he hadn't just sealed his own fate.

Anko looked blankly at him for a second before her mind finally clicked as to what had happened and what he had just said. If he wanted to play games she was more than capable of playing hardball. Her blush quickly receded and was replaced once again by her evil grin, promptly causing his to fade.

"Sorry gaki I was just so shocked that you actually had something for me to remove, that I blanked out for a second there. I assure you I am now more than ready to get back to the matter at hand." She said, once again lowering her knife to his lower region, again causing him to gulp and whimper slightly.

She then leaned in close, her body pressing slightly against his and her hot breath hitting his ear. This would have caused him to shiver, had he not been worried about the possible consequences of such an action.

"Lucky for you we've reached our time limit for this stop." She whispered sexily into his ear. Hearing this, he sighed heavily and visibly relaxed, well as much as a man can relax whilst being semi-exposed with a knife aimed at their privates.

Seeing this, Anko couldn't resist taking one more shot at the kid before she called it a day, as she leaned back she quickly and expertly cut through his boxers, leaving the two halves fluttering to the ground and leaving little Naruto totally free and exposed.

Anko nearly gasped when she got full sight of the beast the kid barely retained by a few layers of clothing. She managed to recover and plaster a grin across her face.

"Hmmm not bad gaki, that actually might be worthy of a place on my mantle after all." She said in a voice that was playful, yet bordering a little too close to serious for Naruto's comfort. She then grabbed a firm hold on his dick, giving it a good squeeze whilst leaning in and giving him an innocent kiss on the cheek.

"See you later foxy-kun." she whispered sexily into his ear before giving him one more firm squeeze and disappearing in a swirl of leaves. Leaving behind a very angry, confused and horny teenager to wonder just what the hell was going on with the mystery that was Anko Mitarashi.

Meanwhile, said snake mistress was currently clutching her chest whilst leaning against a tree a short distance away. 'I can't believe I just did that! Now he's just gonna think I'm a big slut like all the rest of them!' she scolded herself for ruining her chances with someone she actually cared about.

That's right, she, Anko Mitarashi, heartless and borderline sadistic, torture expert had developed feelings for another human being. Though she had promised herself that she would never allow that to happen again after what had happened with her sensei and then that bastard Mizuki. But, try as she might, she couldn't help but fall for the kid. He had endured even more pain than her for his entire life, and yet due to the strength of his will and spirit alone he had not only survived, but thrived to become one of the most powerful and well respected shinobi in the world. And somehow, he still managed to retain his blind, childlike kindness and compassion for practically everyone he met, so much so, that he was almost thrown into depression when he had been forced to kill to save one of his teammates. And now she'd gone and blown whatever connection they had been developing just for the sake of her stupid pride and fear of opening up.

'Maybe it's for the best,' she told herself. 'Even someone as kind and forgiving as Naruto couldn't love someone like me, I'd only be getting myself hurt again. Plus, with how hard I've fallen for him it would hurt even more than when that prick, Mizuki used me just to get information on the snake fucker. After that I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again, but like an idiot I've done it again.' Taking a few deep breathes she managed to steel herself. 'No, this time I won't put myself out there to get hurt. I'll simply cut the kid out of my life and forget about him. It shouldn't be too hard, we never do missions together and we don't hang out in any of the same circles. I can do this.' She thought with determination flowing through her. 'I just hoped the kid will be ok to deal with his problem by himself.'

Anko knew that what she had been doing was nothing more than providing him with a distraction, but she knew from experience that the best way to move passed such events was to distract yourself till you could separate yourself from the emotions of the situation and then think it through logically, that had been the whole point of her 'search for a vice' scheme from the start. But now he would have to deal with it by himself, she could only pray that she had given him enough time for him to be able to do what he needed to do.

* * *

It had been a week since the 'forest incident' and staying away from Naruto had proven harder than Anko had anticipated, the pesky brat appeared everywhere she went, like a stalker.

She went to report to the hokage, he was there. She went to the training grounds, he was there. Even when she went to the grocery store to pick up some milk he was there!

The final straw though, came when he invaded her holy inner sanctum, the dango shop. She finally snapped and stomped right up to him, got right in his face and screamed at him. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING FOLLOWING ME AROUND YOU LITTLE PRICK! ARE YOU LOOKING TO GET YOUR DICK WET OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE YOU CAN FORGET IT! IT AINT GONNA HAPPEN!"

He just blinked at her calmly and lowered the skewered meat he'd been eating back to his plate. "For your information I just happened to be in the mood for dango, and a good friend of mine once told me that this place did the best dango in town."

She stared at him, almost too shocked for words...almost. "Bullshit! If that's all it is, then how do you explain the Hokage's office or the training grounds or the grocery store?" She questioned, her voice lowered considerably when he reminded her where they were, she did not want to be kicked out of here of all places.

"As you well know I happen to be a shinobi of this village, meaning I regularly make visits to both the training grounds and the Hokage's office, and as for the store, that's simple, I ran out of instant ramen." He explained flatly.

She was, once again, shocked by the logic behind his answers, but that didn't mean that she bought them for a second. "Come on kid we both know that's not what's going on here. Now why have you been following me?" she asked, her voice completely drained of the playful tone that he had come to love.

Naruto paused for a second, he considered thinking up another lie but the seriousness of her tone showed that she was in no mood for games, 'on the other hand I can't come out and just tell her that I've been following her because it hurts to be away from her and I was trying to build up the courage to talk to her. No, I can't do that, lying is definitely the best option in this case.'

"I'm waiting for the next stop on my tour of vices, why else would I be following you?" He asked rhetorically. Once again she stared at him disbelievingly, you don't become a renowned interrogator without knowing how to tell when someone is lying. But she decided that forcing him to tell her the truth would just extend how much time she had to spend with him so she let it go for now.

Anko decided that since he was obviously just chasing her around to get some easy pussy than the best way to get rid of him was to give it to him.

"Alright kid. The next stop is sex. Meet me at the hotel on 3rd street in an hour. After that, the tour is over and you can finally leave me the fuck alone." She spat out venomously, disappearing before he could reply.

* * *

The hour had passed slowly for the blonde. His mind was locked in a vicious battle. One side, was rejoicing at the thought of being able to "be" with the woman he had come to love in just a short time. The other side however, refused to disregard that she said she wouldn't be with him after their rendezvous. Only a week ago the idea of having a one night stand with Anko Mitarashi would've sounded like the greatest prize the world would ever know, but now, now that he had developed feelings for the beautiful conundrum, the idea of having her only once was more painful than all of the suffering his shit stain of a life had put him through previously combined. With a weary sigh, he arrived at the room at the arranged time and went inside, seeing that the door was unlocked. What he found inside shocked him to his very core, laying on the rather dirty looking hotel bed, completely naked, in what he supposed was an attempt at a sexy pose was...some woman he'd never seen before.

She was clearly what many people would consider attractive, she had long bleach blonde hair, quite big, obviously fake breasts and a reasonably pretty face. Of course compared to his goddess she was nothing but a false idol, a pathetic imitation of what perfection should look like. And it confused and infuriated Naruto more than he had ever been.

"Hey sugar, you Naruto?" The creature on the bed purred. Naruto's eyes widened when this thing used his name.

"What the fuck is going on here?" He answered angrily, thoroughly disappointed that he received this beast when he was expecting his glorious snake mistress.

"Some purple headed chick said you were interested in some company so she sent me here to help you out." The woman stated in a sickening, sultry voice.

"WHAT!" He bellowed. His anger rising rapidly as his patience dwindled.

"Relax hon, she paid up front, I'm all yours for the next hour, anything you want." She replied in her 'sexy' voice, though it did little more than piss Naruto off even more.

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he turned to leave.

"Hey even if you leave now, tell that bitch there's no refun-" before she could even finish the sentence she was cut off when she found herself pinned to the far wall of the room by her neck, his hand wrapped tightly around her throat, eyes glowing a horrifying blood red and his aura leaking enough killer intent that even if he wasn't choking her, she wouldn't have been able to breathe.

"Don't you dare speak about her that way, you disgusting excuse for a piece of filth! You are very lucky that I cannot be bothered dealing with the paperwork that would come from killing you, or you would already be nothing more than a stain on this wall and a vague memory in the minds of the vile creatures you serve." He declared, his voice filled with the rage that she could literally feel coming from the demonised blonde.

He glared deeply into her eyes one more time before releasing her and drawing the fox's chakra back into the seal, lowering his killer intent and reverting his eyes back to their natural sapphire blue. He then disappeared in a swirl of leaves to search out his love, leaving the terrified hooker crying and broken in the foetal position, seriously rethinking her life.

* * *

Anko was once again in her favourite bar in Konoha, sipping at a bottle of sake trying to forget that the one she loves was probably having sex with some random hooker that she had found in the red light district.

Whilst part of her mind wished that he would find piece and be happy, the rest of her mind and more importantly, her heart, were screaming at her for driving away the one she loved. But she knew that it was too late for regrets now, he had probably already forgotten her and even if he hadn't he certainly wouldn't be remembering anything positive.

"Just that she was some crazy bitch who dragged him around for a couple of days, before chasing him down and feeling him up in a forest." Anko declared bitterly, blushing slightly when she realised that she had said that last bit out loud.

"Yeah, but that's why I love you." Said an, oh so familiar voice from behind her.

She slowly turned around and found herself lost in the deepest blue eyes the world had ever known, eyes that belonged to one Naruto Uzumaki.

"W-what did you just say?" She stuttered out quietly, partly from embarrassment, partly because she was lost in his eyes, but mostly from disbelief.

"I said I love you Anko-chan. I love your wicked smile. I love your crazy schemes and adventures. I love the fact that you are totally unpredictable in every way. I love your tough outside and wonderfully soft inside. I love your incredible strength and resilience. I love the fact that you know my past and my darkest secrets but don't treat me any differently anyway. But most of all, I just love you, Anko Mitarashi, I love all of you, even the stubborn streak that seems determined to keep us apart." He finished, staring deeply into the hazel depths of her beautiful eyes.

"H-how am I supposed to believe that Naruto? I've been hurt too many times to take a chance like this." She asked softly, her voice full of both hope and pain and fear.

Before she could continue he pulled her close and kissed her deeply with all of the passion and love flowing through it in a torrent. He ended it shortly and pulled back to, once again, look into her eyes, which were now misty with unshed tears she would not allow to fall.

"Anko-chan, you know my nindo and you can detect lies better than anyone else in this or any other village. I promise to you, on my life and my dreams that if you let me, I will do everything within my power and even things that are not, to make sure that you live the rest of your days in the happiness and contentment that one as perfect as you deserves. An incredible person recently told me that in our line of work everyone needs a vice to keep them grounded and satisfied. There is only one thing that I can think of that could do that for me...and that's you. Please Anko-chan, be my vice?"

Anko looked deeply into his eyes once more and as before, found not a single trace of deceit, only love and maybe just a sprinkle of restrained lust. This made her infamous smirk return full force. "Alright gaki I'm giving you a shot, but so help me if you make me regret this you'll spend the rest of your days useless from the waist down!" she declared, pulling a kunai from God knows where and pressing it to his crotch.

Naruto paled slightly at the threat before flashing his legendary foxy grin, "Good thing that's not gonna happen then, hey my hebi-hime?"

She blushed a little and laughed at the nickname, deciding that if anyone else called her that, their 'happy parts' would meet the business end of her favourite weapons. "You better hope not foxy-kun. Cause withdrawal from this vice, is something that you don't recover from, I can assure you of that."

The End.

A/N: Sappy, I know, and they probably fell for each other too quickly, but hey, it's FICTION, no one ever said it had to be realistic. Let me know what you think.

Mr Chunk


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